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  • Writer's pictureAmanda Crews

On Motherhood...

I wanted to be a mom for so long. My journey into motherhood was one of complete surrender. We lost, and we lost again. We pursued other means of growing of our family because my emotional and mental state couldn’t bear another loss.

I watched and celebrated as my friends and family welcomed babies into their homes, and I craved it for us, for our quiet house. And yet we waited. Until we didn’t. God is faithful. He provides. Jehovah-jireh.

Motherhood isn’t for the faint of heart. Motherhood is hard. It’s blood, sweat, and tears. It’s doubting but discerning. It’s decision making on top of decision making on top of … well decision making. It’s balancing. It’s failing. It’s getting back up again and jumping straight in - head first. It’s hurt feelings and let downs (literally). It’s physical. It’s emotional. It’s maddening, BUT it’s absolutely beautiful. It’s Love on earth.

As someone who came from the dessert and thirsted for motherhood, it hurts my heart to see misery paired with motherhood. It hurts my heart to see young children receiving a plate full of alphabet chicken nuggets with the phrase F-you or something similar spelled out in them. It hurts my heart to see the constant complaining of children and their needs. It makes me wonder, what will those children think when they're old enough to see or read the comments from their own mother. Will it make them feel unwanted or unloved? Will it build insecurity that a place designed to be safe was hostile and disrespectful? Moms who want respect, offer respect.

There are so many women I know “in the waiting.” There are so many women I know who want to lay their life down for a servant’s role: Motherhood. It is a servant’s role. It’s constant. It doesn’t offer sick days or time off. It’s 24/7 - 365 days a year for the rest of our lives. Sure, some seasons have more demands, but these seasons are short, and there are so many sweet moments that override the sleepless nights, the accompanying bathroom trips, the three hour bed time routines, and the take no thank you bite.

I can choose to take a passive role and roll my eyes at every question my toddlers ask. I can choose an internet reality over a tiny heart that needs nurtured. I can choose to be passive. OR, I can choose to step into my God-given role and embrace it all. Embrace the good, the bad, the ugly, and the beautiful. I can embrace that I have a front row seat and an active role in what God’s love looks like for us. I can choose to acknowledge the hard but not dwell in that space. I can choose kindness over passive aggressive behavior/comments. It all boils down this: Am I willing to lay my life down for the good of my family and children? Am I willing to acknowledge the hard or the bad but move through it to find good? Am I willing find words of affirmation to BUILD them up rather than tear them down? This is motherhood.

The way we engage with our children will be reflected in the way they engage with other people. It will be reflected in the way they raise their kids and love their spouse. It will be reflected in their seasons of hard and seasons of joy. Our work is important. The choice lies within. If you’re in a passive mothering stage, I want to encourage you to step into your active role and own the title that requires so much of you. The title that requires complete surrender and selfless love. As a mama who has lost, everyday is a gift. Am I perfect? Definitely no. But is my heart grateful, definitely yes. With Jesus, even in the hard, I can find joy. Our children’s hearts begin with ours.

“No one has greater love than this, that someone would lay down his life for his friends.”

‭‭John‬ ‭15:13‬ ‭HCSB‬‬

“For Adam was created first, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and transgressed. But she will be saved through childbearing, if she continues in faith, love, and holiness, with good judgment.”

‭‭1 Timothy‬ ‭2:13-15‬ ‭HCSB‬‬

“Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward.”

‭‭Psalm‬ ‭127:3‬ ‭ESV‬‬

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